Jen’s nursing nature was called on for the first time post-burger meltdown. Cam’s sickly nature was called on as her body temperature could’ve cooked an egg. Unfortunately for Senor Cushie Tushie, Cam was passed out on the floor as Jen made the solo trek to fetch from the airport the darkest person to grace Vietnam in 46 years. Brighton’s first day was spent populating the waiting room at the local hospital and buying any and all illegal substances at the local pharmacy. For your future convenience, writing the name of a medication on a sheet of paper qualifies as an Rx. Possibly self destructive, but potentially profitable? Extremely entrepreneurial, yes we know.
Although usually far from the kitchen, Cam made a compromise and decided to partake in a Vietnamese cooking class with Bright Sun. Instead of her most famous dish, cold cereal, she assisted in the preparation of fried spring rolls amongst other Vietnamese specialties. They even learned to send fire feet into the air, nearly singeing all the hairs on their heads. We don’t want no more Whoopi Goldbergs in this world, thank you very much.
That afternoon we attempted to visit the city’s mausoleum, which houses Ho Chi Minh’s preserved body. Unfortunately for us, his soul was on vacation in Hawaii, while his cold embalmed body was visiting Russia. Every October he visits his communist counterparts while also receiving cadaver upkeep. A guy’s gotta look good. We rolled up to the Temple of Literature, snapped some photos with Vietnamese calendar girls and stopped nearby for smoothies and burgers. The night found us at the most exciting display of Asian culture on our trip. Vietnamese water puppets are a huge reason why Jen is embarrassed to be of Asian lineage. Short rainboot-wearing “professionals” wave puppets attached to long wooden sticks in front of a janky stanky red curtain and parade them through questionably murky water. Lets be real here, we all know that the murkiness is because little Asians have little Asian bladders. You get the picture(s).
Halong Bay – Vietnam
We can sum up Halong Bay in two words: Ass. Hole. No, not the rectum, sickos, just the card game. Stuck on a boat for 3 days we played endless amounts of this game, featured ourselves in countless photoshoots and slept on a boat for the second time on our trip. As the sun set, we embarked on a kayaking adventure, but by the time it got dark, Brighton was lost in the night. We spotted his teeth in the distance and were relieved to know he had survived. Yet Cam and Brighton would soon experience another adventure from which they may never recover. Have you ever heard of a volcano ending? Have you ever seen a volcano ending? If your answer is “yes” to question one, you’re most likely a middle-aged white man wandering the streets of Vietnam in search of a subservient Asian mistress. If your answer is “yes” to question two, I'm so sorry. As consolation you can join Cam and Brighton in the very prestigious and elite club, “VWA”, aka Volcano Witnesses Anonymous. We provide monthly trauma support for those who have happened upon a small Asian woman playing Nintendo with a white man’s joystick. Lucky for Jen, a nap in the room prevented the unique opportunity that would have allowed her admission into this selective group.
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